Our Miracle (Part 3)

Read Our Miracle (Part 1); (Part 2)

"While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?” Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.”"

{Mark 5:35-36, NIV}

I wasn't looking for a miracle. It was the furthest things from my mind last summer. My focus was to restore my health and seek relief from my PCOS symptoms. The specialist told me a baby was out of the realm of possibility, so I decided to accept it and move forward.

About mid-August on a Sunday night, a woman carefully approached me with a "word from the Lord". In my experiences (until this point), a "word from the Lord" meant something vague or generic. Nothing in the world would have prepared me for what was said that night because the woman told me another baby was on the way. I can't remember saying anything, I just remember feeling shocked, hurt, and then angry. Shocked that someone, who had no idea regarding my situation or could have known my journey of infertility would declare such an outlandish and hopeful statement. Shocked that the pastor's wife validated this "word" with other testimonies of miraculous conceptions that this woman had previously prophesied over. I was broken and angry because hope was trying to spark when professionals told me hope would never again exist.

It took a couple days for the fog to clear and the emotions to settle. I remember praying, "God if this is really from You, I need You to do it again. Bring me someone else to confirm that word. I can't believe for a baby unless I undoubtedly know it's You!"

Simultaneously, I had signed up to attend a women's conference called Designed For Life (DFL) in Springfield, Missouri. To be honest, I had absolutely no idea why. I adamantly gave my husband every reason why I should NOT attend. After months of declarations, he stated, "For someone who isn't going you sure talk about it a lot!" ... and then suggested that perhaps God actually wanted me to attend.

In October, I flew to Missouri by myself. I felt anxious about the whole trip. I really didn't know anyone and had no idea what to expect. The first day of the conference blew me away and for the first time in a long time, I knew God was there in the midst of those 4,000+ women. It was incredible, but at the end of the first day I found myself pondering, "God this is great and all, but why would you bring me here just to watch other women's lives radically changed? I know you can do that, but what does this have to do with me?"

The second day, as I enjoyed breakfast with the ladies I was staying with, a very vivid picture came to my mind. I saw myself sharing my story of infertility with this group of ladies, the room where I shared, and each place we sat. It was so real that I physically shook my head to snap out of it. Strange. Then at lunch, it happened again. Another head shake. No, that would never happen. I never shared this painful part of my life, especially with strangers.

When evening session came, it was announced it would be live-streamed, so pull out those phones and text a friend. I couldn't think of anyone to text ... and then I checked the time in Bangkok. I realized one of my good friends had already dropped off her girls at school and might enjoy the session. So I texted her and she immediately responded that she'd be watching. Mission accomplished!

The speaker that evening was Robert Madu. His message was called "Girl, Get Up!" and revolved around the story of Jairus and the woman with the issue of blood (Mark 5:21-43). That night God made it clear that He was speaking directly to me. Robert Madu accounted how devastating it must have been to watch this woman receive her miracle, while Jairus is told the miracle he longed for is now dead and gone. At one point, Robert made this powerful statement:

"You don't have a faith problem, you have an authority problem. You don't believe Jesus can do what He says He will do."

It was true. My circumstances, my health issues, and everything surrounding this struggle with infertility made the very idea of another baby completely impossible to me. Too impossible even for God. I had allowed the lies of the enemy to destroy my hope and faith in the miraculous, healing, loving, and restorative power of Jesus. Tears came. I couldn't force myself to stop crying. I knew God was asking me to trust Him for a baby, regardless of how impossible it seemed. By this point, I was shaking, crying, and declaring that I would give Jesus my unbelief. Once again, I would trust Him for the gift of another child.

At the end of the service, I picked up my phone and saw a text from my friend in Thailand. She had witnessed firsthand much of my heartbreak over the last 3 years. The message read, "You know that sermon was for you, right?!" Oh, I knew!

As soon as I put my phone back in my purse, I looked up to see a DFL staff member approach me. She walked straight up and asked if I had struggled to have a baby. I fell back in my seat and burst into tears all over again, overwhelmed by what was taking place. This woman told me the same thing the first woman told me. She added that God didn't want to just give me any child, but that He had a specific child that I'm supposed to raise. This child would be the child He promised, just as He promised to Sarah (Genesis 17:15-16) and Hannah (1 Samuel 1). I still have no words for what took place that night. It was truly a miracle! AND I found myself sharing my story that evening with the ladies exactly as I had pictured it twice earlier that day.

From that moment on, I knew another baby was coming. I didn't know when and I honestly didn't even know how, but I knew it would happen. Out of 4,000+ women that night, God brought me to Designed For Life to restore my hope and breathe life back into my soul. To Hope Again. No turning back, no doubts. Jesus was preparing me for something greater than I could imagine and even though my health was still not ideal, I was sure of His plan.

Continue reading Our Miracle (Part 4) ... The Conclusion