Expat Paradox

Our family recently did a week of soul-care in Malaysia. One of the best things we did prior to returning to the States in 2018 was to do a week of debrief counseling with counselors that specialize in the complex dynamics of expat lives. I don't believe anyone naturally has the tools to navigate living in a cross-cultural context. Like a car needs maintenance to ensure lasting performance and prevent system failure, I wholeheartedly believe in the human "tune-up". A space where we invite God into the depths of our souls to address our hurts, hopes, fears, and dreams.

Last time (5 years ago), we went to a center in Chiang Mai, but a 2-day drive with toddlers and my chronic back problems? It just wasn't possible. Then at the end of November I discovered there was a center in Penang, Malaysia. People may not realize, but we only live an hour from the Thailand-Malaysia border. In fact, as we've been mapping out the cities and resources close to us, we discovered the closest (specialized) medical care and resources is all across the border in Penang, a mere 3 hours away.

A "Pair of Ducks"!

I created my own "pair of ducks".

Perhaps one of the most valuable pieces of information we learned during our week in Malaysia was about the expat paradox. It so beautifully explains my life that I had to share about it. Perhaps Charles Dickens poetic beginning to A Tale of Two Cities describes the concept of paradox best ...

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” -Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

This led way to addressing the great expat paradox that can easily be remembered as the great "pair of ducks". The YAY duck is all the wonderful, exciting parts about living overseas. The YUCK duck is the ugly, not so fun aspects of living far away from your home culture. The expat reality is that this pair of ducks, the YAY and YUCK swim together. Ups and downs go hand in hand, often at the same time. And it's okay to acknowledge and live in that tension.

Truthfully, we've lived in this weird paradox for a long time without the ability to adequately express what we experience on a daily basis. It was nice to rest in that reality as we reflected over these crazy pandemic/ baby-toddler years in Hatyai.

• Praise God we live in the era of technology, but it doesn't replace the in-person relationships we desperately miss with our families and friends back in Oregon.

• Praise God for our surprise miracle baby Emelyn, but being unable to celebrate that joy in-person with the people we love most deeply grieved my heart.

• Praise God for hellos and new friendships, but the frequency of goodbyes on both side of the ocean often feels too heavy a burden to bear.

So we spent time labeling our ducks, celebrating the yays, and allowing Jesus to heal the yucks. We also walked away with other practical tools to help our littles and teen navigate their own beautiful and complicated expat paradox. Our littles have zero idea that their lives will turned upside down in a matter of months. There are times my heart is heavy about this reality. Like any good parent, I don't want them to suffer, go without, or endure heartache. But the Lord has been encouraging me to release and surrender every single aspect of their reentry to His care. He cares about my girls far more than I do. He has already started a great work in their lives through every single joy and sorrow they've endure.

"For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you." ~ Isaiah 41:13

The beauty of living this expat paradox is that Jesus has been with us every step of the way. He has filled us with overflowing joy, held us in our grief, and carried every back-breaking burden. Sure, the last few years have felt a little more yuck than yay, but God keeps reminding me that harvest is a season. No season has endless productivity. Without those challenging Fall and Winter months that allow the ground to rest and restore, there is no fruitful harvest. Planting yourself in the Word during the hard-fought seasons is where we receive the most nourishment for the soil of our hearts. It's where we learn to walk in His wisdom and find true rest for our souls.

“Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls.” ~ Jeremiah 6:16

Wait on the Lord and allow His grace to soothe your aches and comfort your hurts today. Hand Him the heavy burdens you carry. Rest in the soul-care of the Father. If you are living in the tension of this paradox, know that Jesus will meet you right where you are. If you ask for His rest, He will prepare a place of peace for you to dwell with Him. There is great joy ahead, my friends, so hang in there!

Lord Jesus, thank you that you hold the source of true rest. Thank you for caring just as much about the yucks as the yays in our lives. Help us to surrender to the refining process of this paradox and draw closer to Your presence. I choose to seek and receive Your rest through all the season of my life. In Jesus' name, Amen!