Nesting Notions | TWO

Baby D #3 (24 weeks gestation)

Last year toward the end of my pregnancy with Miss Ellie, I wrote Nesting Notions, reflecting on the things I was learning during that season. God was teaching me so much about Himself and what it means for me as a woman, wife, and mother. There was lots of excitement for the future, returning to Thailand, and being] a family of four. My pregnancy with Baby D #3 has been very different. Having back-to-back pregnancies in my late 30s was never part of my plan. Between caring for Baby Ellie (10 months old), homeschooling my 10 year old, global pandemic, and morning sickness, it feels my body is constantly fighting to move forward and I just hasn't been able to maintain any sort of energy level.

Another dynamic is navigating Thai prenatal care. I constantly feel lost going to my doctor for checkups and the many cultural miscommunications that take place despite my best efforts. Still, God has done some miraculous things as we wait for Baby D # 3. This time around He is revealing how to move forward in His strength while instilling His promises in my heart during this season of exhaustion, miscommunication, and uncertainty . So here is my second and FINAL round of Nesting Notions ...

1. Learning to Rest in His Peace. Obviously pregnancy hormones are not condusive with global pandemics or hyper-charged global situations. In addition, navigating vastly different prenatal care procols can be overwhelming. I recently discovered that my husband won't be allowed in the room during the C-section procedure, nor will I be allowed to see him for 2 hours afterward. I also won't be allowed to hold/ see my sweet baby girl for the first 4 hours of her life. I have begged and pleaded for an alternative, but that's just the way it is here. It seems that every single situation in my life right now sits beyond my control. It's breaking my heart to do things this way because I don't believe it the best way at all.

"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8

God has been speaking to me a lot about His peace. When the world feels out of my control, He creates a safe haven for rest. I'm not claiming it makes sense. This is the most uncertain and chaotic my life has ever felt. But when we experience the real and genuine peace of God, it truly surpasses understanding and stands guard to protects our hearts and minds from this chaotic world (Philippians 4:7). I have experienced this on such an exponential level during this pregnancy. When the world feels crushing, God's peace near immediately settles my anxiety. I don't know that I could do any of this without Him. We serve an amazing God, who empowers us to live both fully and freely. I've had to allow Him to navigate all my questions and fears because I have no capacity to do so. I'm in awe that Jesus has granted us a peaceful home in Hatyai during such uncertain times and teaches me how to rest in the place He has prepared for us. In fact, the reason we decided on the name Emelyn because it means "peaceful home".

Baby Emmie might look like Big Sis in the ultrasound.

2. Learning to Rest in Spite of My Weakness. I've felt so physically weak and insufficient this year. More than anything, I hate feeling like a burden. I think my biggest challenge has been knowing my husband has to do so much extra to make up for my physical lack of energy.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

As I started digging into this verse a little more, two different references to Christ's power were noted ...

• "my power is made perfect in weakness" The phrase "made perfect" translates into "completion" or "to accomplish something". Jesus used this same root word declaring "it is finished" on the cross (John 19:30). God turns our weakness into an opportunity. I've always had the thought that God works in spite of my weaknesses, but lately I've found myself thinking that if my weakness is the vehicle God choses to demonstrate His power, then maybe I should start seeing my weakness as a gift, not something I need to conquer or a skill I need to perfect. Jesus transforms my weakness into His strength.
  

• "so that Christ's power may rest on me" This declares that Jesus is our Healer. He has the power, ability, and strength to heal us. It doesn't matter if it's physical, mental, emotional, spiritual ... the fact remains, Jesus is our Healer! I truly believe that Emelyn is a product of God's healing power in my life. He put physical balance back into my body and created this little life for His purpose. Over the last 2 years I have watched God's unfolding power transform in the weakest areas of my life. It's been such a miraculous and joyful journey, but it's required I release everything to Him. That, my friends, is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I am astounded by how He is replacing my doubts with faith and hope. What I could never do and what doctors told me was impossible, God did! I long to remember every act of grace and power He demonstrated through my weaknesses these last 2+ years!
  

3. Learning To See Myself As Jesus Sees Me. Last year I felt pretty good about my body during pregnancy. This year has been more challenging. An unexpected pregnancy 6 months after birth meant my body hadn't bounced back at all and I started looking very pregnant early on. Furthermore, I now live in a culture where weight shaming exists, even when you're pregnant. Awkward stares and comments at the grocery stores. Chastising remarks from my doctor. At first I didn't care. Emelyn is a miracle baby after all! But M O N T H S of this grind really started wearing on me.

"And our own completeness is now found in him [Jesus]. We are completely filled with God as Christ's fullness overflows within us. He is the Head of every kingdom and authority in the universe!" Colossians 2:10, TPT

Self-acceptance is something I've worked on for Y E A R S. God doesn't look at my flaws or weaknesses to conclude whether or not I'm broken merchandise. NO! He says when I come to Him, handing over my insecurities, brokenness, and weakness, I find completeness in Jesus. It doesn't matter what other people say about me. It only matters that Jesus declares I am whole and complete in Him. I'm so very thankful for my husband, whom God has used on a daily basis over the months to correct my reckless thought patterns and pessimism. I am still a work in progress, but I feel more determined than ever before to block out the negative naysayers and to love & accept myself as Jesus does.

One of my many doctor appointments with the girlies!

4. Learning to celebrate. I turned 39 last week, thus entering the final year of my 30's. I recently heard a sermon called This Must Be The Place by DawnChere Wilkerson. She talked about the Discipline of Celebration. There were so many things she said and I highly recommend watching her sermon in the link above, but what I took away was this ...

• What you choose to celebrate, you will emulate!
  

• Celebration transforms us from the inside out - that's why it's a discipline!
  

• Celebration is central and woven into every other discipline.
  

Turned 39 with a birthday baby belly!

There is always a reason to celebrate Jesus. Yes, this last year has been a beast! There were days I wondered how we were going to make it to the finish line of this final pregnancy, but God's grace is sufficient for us, every morning and night.

"I will tell again of the faithful, gracious acts of Yahweh and praise him for everything he has done for us - the wonderful goodness, the riches of his mercy, which he has show to the house of Israel, and the abundance of his endless love." Isaiah 63:7

There is always a reason to celebrate Jesus. He has all power and authority over every situation we face. This coming year I want to be the woman, the wife, and the mother who says, "Regardless of the mountain in front of me, I will celebrate and praise my Jesus!" Come what may, this upcoming 2021 year I choose to celebrate!

2021: CELEBRATE

Jesus, You are the reason I can celebrate in the middle of the madness. You have given me far more than I deserve - that's how much You love me. Thank you that my weakness is not a hinderance to Your strength and redeeming power in my life. Don't let me forget how You've carried me through these many months. Today I choose to celebrate in spite of what I'm facing because I know that on the otherside of it all, You are my reward. Thank you for never giving up on me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.